Dating with Asperger’s

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I may never be comfortable in getting too close with the neurotypical friends. We can learn to cope better, but that is all we could do. I think i may be an Aspie and was in a relationship with a guy who I think may also be one. My previous date never once tried to read up the books that I have.

I am fascinated by dating culture. I ended things after a month, but I think our friendship may totally be in trouble now. If the relationship continues to monopolize both parties lives there is a high potentiality for burnout on one or both parties parts.

Dating for Aspergers - The challenges that we face and cope with on a daily basis are frivolously ignored and disregarded by our fellow neurotypical friends. Somehow, in all my bumbling, I slowly started learning more about myself and my own hangups, my need for personal growth, and my need to develop more confidence.

I am not looking to date. I mean, the idea of falling in love and being in love is nice, but if there is anything that I learn from the previous relationship, it would be that a man who fails to take the effort to see and appreciate me for whom I am, should not deserve me. We look normal, and for some of us, we excel in performance at work and studies exceedingly — sometimes accomplishing more than the neurotypical. The challenges that we face and cope with on a daily basis are frivolously ignored and disregarded by our fellow neurotypical friends. Fall in Love Falling in love with the neurotypical man is a challenge on its own. See, that is the time bomb waiting to explode. When they try to fix me, they harbor false hope that I can be normal some day. We just cope — that simply means, the traits never go away, we just try to work around it to suit the neurotypical friends and partner. We can learn to cope better, but that is all we could do. We cope; coping on an everyday basis, is mentally exhausting. Love and Patience Wear Out He was attracted to the witty girl and her quirks were refreshing, he was curious and intrigued by her qualities and possibly eccentricities. The girl with the unique characteristics and personality traits never get better like he expected or hoped. Even the professed love and patience are not enough to see the journey through. My previous date never once tried to read up the books that I have. The misconception is that people think we choose to be what we are. They think we choose not to socialize — and that is true, because socializing can be emotionally draining and painful. Socializing skills come naturally for the neurotypical like breathing. I realized that as much as I enjoy aloneness, this journey has always been lonely. I learn by heart and apply the responses and behaviors by matching with previously learned examples and experiences. This gets better with time — that is why, many matured Aspies do not get diagnosed because they have learned to work around the challenges, and minimize social activities, so, they cope, not cured. Similar to the game, when the game characters converse with one another, the text is in the foreign language when I say, foreign, I mean foreign, there is no learning, a learned foreign language is a familiar language. Frustration It can be frustrating, probably derived from the cold loneliness knowing that except for the same kind, the majority group may never understand. I will have to pretend to be normal because the minority is expected to accommodate. An example is when I was a child. My smarter older sister tried to teach me Mathematics, she taught me the short-cuts to derive at the same answer quicker. I have difficulty in understanding problems or anything at all without a process. My sister was so angry with me, she cried and scolded me of being stubborn. That was the last time she taught me anything. For the longest time, I wish there was a safe harbor for me. A person who truly understands, who will never want to fix me, who will never expect me to be better, who will try to see the tremendous effort I am putting in. Sadly, what I take away from the previous relationship is that I may never be able trust anyone. I may never be comfortable in getting too close with the neurotypical friends. There may be only one safe harbor — solitude. Until the guy finds me worthy of their time and effort, I will not date anymore. It is not about how deeply I have been hurt by the previous relationship; it is the epiphany that I am eternally grateful for.

DATING AN ASPIE
Remember all those facts written and told by such figures of scientific authority? But I know this list is incomplete. I have no clue what to do about it. I did all the giving and was over-giving. My counseling supervisor and the counseling frameworks I learned gave me a road map to the world of counseling others. This, people, is called the Pygmalion effect. New experiences and unexpected happenings trigger most Aspies. Just viewing this video should start helping you think and feel even better about yourself. In those very moments they are themselves and I can recognize them. And then we were done, 9 years of marriage counselling in 5 weeks.